A Not So Conventional Father

One from the Memory Hole

2011-09-16T14:42:00.000-04:00

I was looking through old posts and noticed a couple draftsthat I never finished. Most of them were best left in the dustbin, but onebrought to mind a really special memory from our birthing process and I wantedto finish it up and share it, albeit a year and some change late.

We had recently finished up with Lamaze classes. It was aninteresting experience. While at times informative, neither of us would say itmade a huge impact on the birth process. It did get us to ask more questionsand that alone was worthwhile. Still, there was one especially funny moment.As two ardent science devotees with no real religious belief, things that smack ofreligion and/or spirituality can make us both a little uneasy. Amanda isconsiderably more sympathetic but, for me, it's as though I've wandered into aconversation where I can recognize the literal words people are speaking andget a sense of the context but I can't quite discern the meaning. While I'vegrown accustomed to this and keep my thoughts to myself, sometimes my cynical,sarcastic nature gets the better of me. When the Lamaze instructor directed thecouples to sit quietly while the mom-to-be "focused her energies andpowers," we both smiled a little at one another; the smile conveyed theyears of history together and our understanding of our shared thoughts in thegiven situation. When the instructor started speaking in "affirmingphrases" and asked the partners to likewise share affirming phrases withthe mother-to-be, we tried to contain our sarcastic, cynical views and giggles.But when the instructor said something along the lines of "Feel the poweremanate from within you outward," I could contain myself no longer. Ileaned down and whispered my affirming phrases in my partner's ear: "Meccalecca hi, mecca hiney ho." Amanda could hardly contain her giggles andcovered her mouth with her hand to stifle them. I did it again, this time witha little more gusto although still quite softly and, for my efforts, ended upgetting elbowed right in the ribs so that the last sound came out not as awhisper but rather as a softly yelped "HO!" Neither of us couldcontain ourselves at that point and we giggled like schoolchildren (albeit veryquietly), almost crying from holding back the desire to burst out in gutturallaughter. The class ended soon after and we approached the instructor to ask acouple questions, hoping that we wouldn't be chided too horribly for behavinglike bad students. The instructor answered our questions, then said that we hada "unique way of dealing with things" and that it obviously"works for you, and that's what matters." You could tell that shethought we were nuts and didn't take things too seriously, but at the same timeI suddenly came to respect what she was trying to do to some degree. Those werethe types of things that, if Amanda had been in labor, would have helped herthrough it. Sure, our actions constituted a rejection of "sharingenergies" and the like, running pretty counter to new age and/or religioussensitivities, but that's how we interact with the world and that would havebeen comforting to her in our own odd way.

To this day when we overhear discussions of shared energies,auras, etc., I lean over and whisper those sweet words in her ear "Meccalecca hi, mecca hiney ho." And still to this day the result is usually asolid elbow to the ribs accompanied by a stifled yelp.

Where Has the Time Gone?

2011-09-14T15:13:00.000-04:00

I have all but abandoned this blog. That makes me sad, really; I enjoyed the heck out of blogging. Life is hectic; time is fleeting. Finding little moments to compose something thoughtful about the beautiful but mundane moments is far tougher now than it once was. I'll leave off with a status report, at least, in the hopes that time will avail itself more often soon.
I am now a stay-at-home father while seeking employment outside of the home. We have relocated to Perrysburg, Ohio, a suburb outside of Toledo, and we have settled in nicely. The boys, now a little over 16 months old, have grown like little weeds and are beautiful, wonderful and they cause an incredible amount of havoc and chaos. Amanda's mother takes the boys twice a week (Tuesdays and Thursdays); the boys seem to absolutely love this time with her. This helps me keep up on housework, get in some extra job seeking time, spend a little time trying to work on my neglected thesis and generally keeps me sane.

A photo or two of the little guys is needed, I think:

I hope there are more posts to come. I keep up on reading, just not posting!

The boys laugh a bit

2010-08-18T19:10:00.000-04:00

I wish I still had time to blog. I'm hoping to start back soon. For now, here are a couple videos to show where the boys are developmentally.

Pretty darn cute, aren't they?

GAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

2010-06-26T23:15:00.005-04:00

Twins are tough but immensely rewarding. We don't sleep...ever, it seems. The babies demand the boob constantly, changes constantly, attention constantly. I never thought I would take such joy in something so stressful. I cannot imagine doing this without the team we have. My wife and I bicker a little these days--hey, we're both running on fumes--but words cannot my overwhelming gratitude towards and admiration of her. I asked her what she would have done had she given birth to twins back in the 50s. She responded "The babies would be on formula and I would be on Valium." The love grows even as we grow ever more weary.

* * * * * * * * * *

We're preparing to move cross country (proper update on that subject next week, hopefully). The movers will be here on Monday. No, the house is not yet finished. Yes, we're both peeing our pants. So far the routine--if it can be called that--has gone something like this: start packing a box, stop when baby a cries, burp, change and swaddle baby a. Go back to packing. Cuddle baby b now fussing, feed, burp, change and swaddle baby b. Calm baby b, put it down. Baby a cries because he was disturbed by setting baby b down. Cuddle baby a. Baby a expresses desire to eat...again! Give baby a to wife for feeding while wife tries to set up utilities in new place. Burp, change, swaddle baby a. Forget where item to be packed went that was just had in hand. Pack baby a in box and swaddle picture frame. Swear. Unpack baby a, unswaddle picture frame, reswaddle baby. Trip over dog. Swear again. Ask wife what I did with item to be packed. Find item to be packed in crib, next to swaddled babies. Disturb babies while attempting to retrieve item, Make babies cry. Repeat.

Remind me never to move with brand new infants again. ;-)

And now, some cuteness:

These three are from a couple weeks ago. I especially like that Timmy & Raiden switched off on eating one another's heads.
Baby Burritos = life savers. Note the seriously cute blankets from Target.
We took a hike with them recently while we were visiting Amanda's family for their bi-annual reunion. They were quite content, even over the rough terrain.

And we end with a smile from Raiden and a sleepy expression from Timothy. See you again soon, folks!

Brought to you by the letter "Arrrrrr"

2010-05-31T17:56:00.004-04:00

No time for a real update beyond letting folks know that the boys have gone from sleeping all the time to fussing most of the time. They're still awesome, however. Instead of some long-winded review of our lives, let me offer a couple photos. First up is a hat that is far too large on an itty bitty Raiden:

Now let's move on to a mohawk-sporting Timothy:

That's it for now. Hopefully more soon!

Flippin' Cute Kids

2010-05-20T21:46:00.008-04:00

Hey look, a post!

The boys are two weeks old today and this is the first post I've made in about 11 days. I have no idea how people manage new multiples and a healthy blogging relationship. As such, I've obviously let the blogging slip to keep up with these beautiful boys. As far as an update goes, just know that the boys are incredibly gorgeous, my wonderful wife has been recovering perfectly and we absolutely love being parents. Now for what you've really been waiting on: photos!

These were taken in an inexpensive in-store studio on May 14th. They aren't perfect, but the subjects certainly are. Hopefully more updates are to come soon; I've tons to say now, but no time to say it. See you soon, all.

one way to keep twins happy

2010-05-10T21:32:00.011-04:00

this blog lacks capitalization. amanda is taking a short break, so i have two babies in my lap. here's one way to keep fussy twins happy when no breasts are around:

holy cow do i ever love these guys.

this is from a conversation with amanda today in which she said the following: i don't want them to grow up. i love babies. i don't want 9 kids but i can see why someone would want nine of them because i love babies.

we had just gotten back from the store where we saw a couple with nine kids. we both decided nine kids was insane, but i had to acknowledge that my initial adversity to more than 2 (there are already too many people on this beautiful planet of ours) is already waning a bit. I know that one more pregnancy would be it, though!

so yes, we went to the store today. amanda is so bloody tough that she decided that, since she was feeling stiff and wanted to move around but the area near our house is full of hills, a trip to the store was called for. the boys slept the entire times and amanda braved it like a champ only 3 days after a c-section. my wife is pretty burly, folks, but she's also a sap. Winning combo? i think yes.

Our New Arrivals

2010-05-08T14:16:00.005-04:00

Just a very brief update. The hospital's internet restricts access to all social media (blogs, facebook, etc.), so I've run home to let the dog out and upload a couple photos. Know that everyone is doing fabulously well and all will be coming home either tomorrow or Monday.

Timothy Lewis Reissig-Berry was born at 12:19 pm and weighs 6 lbs 2.4 oz and is 19 inches long.

Raiden Anthony Reissig-Berry was born at 12:21 pm and weight 5 lbs 8 oz and is 19 ¼ inches long.

But more importantly, photos!

Raiden

Timothy

And from just an hour ago:

And we're off...

2010-05-07T08:05:00.002-04:00

Today's the day. In just a little over four hours, we'll meet our boys for the first time. My stomach is in knots and I couldn't be move excited.

Love to all; updates as soon as possible.

She's Crafty

2010-05-04T13:26:00.006-04:00

The title is a Beastie Boys reference. I made it because I was trying to be relevant, hip and funny, but then I realized that the song from which I look the line came out in 1995. Oh my...

Now as to actually being crafty, that applies to many members of my family but this time I'm focusing on my sister-in-law, Emily; you can find her blog here. She's moderately addicted to quilting in a similar way to how William S. Burroughs was moderately addicted to smack. From what I understand, quilting is much less destructive.

She is known for her "wonky" quilts, textiles that are a little less symmetrical and a little more on the eccentric side. I like them for that very reason. She also takes the quilts, once they're pieced, to an insanely talented lady at Green Fairy Quilts who freehands intricate quilting details. The results of both of their efforts are below:

The last photo is a close-up of the detail work on the darker quilt. This talented duo produced a wonderful set of quilts and we're very thankful to them.

* * * * * * * * * *

By the way... it's almost Friday.

*GULP!*

A Sight To Behold

2010-05-01T23:01:00.012-04:00

Amanda contends that people stare at her "like I'm a freak show." I think they're merely impressed with her poise and strength as she carries 12 pounds of baby while barely batting an eye (although she does take lots of naps). See for yourself:

She's pretty incredible, no? Five days to go and she's still fabulous. ;-)

Set In Stone

2010-04-30T10:00:00.000-04:00

May 7th.

12:00 p.m.

That's it.

That's the date and time we're to become parents.

...oh my...

We had another appointment today. The boys are in fine health. Timothy measured a massive 6 lbs, 4 oz while Raiden tipped the scales at 5 lbs, 11 oz. The doctor referred to them as giant twins for such a tiny woman. While she is exceedingly uncomfortable and finds sleep difficult at best, Amanda's health is also outstanding. Again, our great fortune bewilders (and relives) me.

Given that Raiden seems incapable of deciding if he's going to be breech, transverse or head down, we've opted for a scheduled c-section. I was hesitant about a c-section originally, but my opposition stemmed mostly from Amanda's recovery afterwards. The research seems to show no appreciable differences, after 24 hours, between a baby who comes out the more traditional route and one who comes out through an incision in almost all cases, but there is a slightly elevated risk to the second twin in vaginal births. That's enough for Amanda. Additionally, we really want a particular doctor to perform the procedure who likely wouldn't be available in the case of vaginal delivery.

So there it is. The decision is made, the schedule is set. Barring a sudden change, we know the date of birth of these boys. It's as though we've been climbing to the apex of a massive, never-ending roller coaster's first drop. The cars have slowed to a crawl and they've started to creep over the edge of that parabolic arc, teetering on the vertex as we prepare to commence a seemingly infinite free fall into the great unknown. Each day the mass transfers a bit more to the other side, the potential energy building as the cars slowly ease over. Many other cars have gone on this track before, descended into the unknown and continued on successfully and with great joy, but this is our first ride. We wait on that precipice, creeping almost imperceptibly forward, counting the moments as we prepare for gravity to take over and allow us to slip forward. It's going to be one hell of a ride; the anticipation is overwhelming.

Single Digits

2010-04-28T10:54:00.003-04:00

Nine...as in days. As in single digits. That's all that remains.

I think I just pooped my pants.

When Amanda playfully flashed up 10 fingers yesterday, my stomach instantly went into knots and I had the distinct feeling I might pass out. I'm nervous, of course, but for the most part it was because I thought there was still so much to do. Amanda made me take a step back and actually consider what remains to be done and...well, it's almost nothing. I've been on a cleaning and organizing rampage for a couple weeks now. She has helped immensely, but for the most part I insist that she rest. She actually does sometimes, so that must mean that she really needs it. She is uncomfortable as heck, as one would expect, but she is in good spirits. We slept in this morning, cuddling for some time when we awoke. While we're rarely able to do that anyway, the times will become even more infrequent once the boys are here, I suspect. I'll miss that, to be sure, but I can't wait for them to arrive. Surprisingly, I'm less nervous about their actual arrival. I've realized that I have no idea what to expect except a lack of sleep. We've informed ourselves as best as possible. Fearing the unknown makes no sense to me, so I've opted for a state of heightened excitement. Still, my stomach remains in knots.

* * * * * * * * * *

Boys, do you know what you're getting yourselves in to? You're being born into a family with two parents who still don't know what they want to be when they grow up and who have extremely crass, dark and morbid senses of humor, a father who is distracted by any bright and shiny object, suckers who can't let a suffering animal out of their sights, giant nerds who think it's great fun to dissect an argument and see the flaws within, etc. You're both doomed, you see, but also know that we love you more than we ever thought possible. I simply cannot wait to meet you.

Don't Judge Me

2010-04-21T12:04:00.003-04:00

Just a quick post today. I installed the car seats on Monday, which was rather odd in and of itself. Later that day, I drove to the store alone. It was a beautiful day and I had the windows down while music was blaring perhaps a bit too loudly. A couple in a big ol' SUV pulled up next to me, looked over in the back seat and gave me a nasty look. So I got my first "you're a bad parent" glare, I guess, as they probably thought the babies were having their eardrums blasted out of their heads...or maybe it was because I was playing Outkast. In any case, I love that I was judged so quickly and sternly before they were even born. I wager I have a lifetime to grow accustomed to this.

And the Doc Says...

2010-04-16T14:30:00.002-04:00

Amanda is progressing perfectly. The doctor equated her cervix to an impenetrable wall of steel in that there is no appreciable thinning. How it is that such a tiny lady seems to be made to carry twins is well beyond my understanding. Far healthier, far taller women have struggled through their multiples pregnancies but somehow we've sailed through with no real bumps in the road. She's uncomfortable as heck these days, to be sure, but she's remarkably happy. I'm quite thankful for the ease, whatever the reason.

During our appointment on Thursday, the babies measured 4 lbs 10 oz (Raiden) and 4 lbs 12 oz (Timothy). They're right around the 50th percentile for growth if they were singletons, so everyone is quite happy about that. Consider, however: that's 9 lbs 6 oz of baby. To quote a certain great modern thespian, "Whoah..." In any case, the heartbeats are strong, the movements look great, and the time for them to emerge into this crazy world of ours is nearing ever closer.

An amusing thing happened during the ultrasound: Raiden flipped! After all that discussion of c-sections, traditional vaginal births and breech extractions, that little punk decided to be a gymnast and aim his head downward. Amanda contends that he must be my son given that he can't seem to make up his mind what he wants to do and wants to put off making the decision as long as possible. We had decided that we were going with a scheduled c-section, but this throws the decision into question.

The big (related) news is that the doctors wanted us to set a specific date for either induction or a c-section. We have gone with May 7th, my mother's birthday, as the date these boys will make their debut appearance. We don't know if it will be an induction or a c-section--that decision is up to Raiden, probably--but we do know it will be that day. We're supposed to be at the hospital starting around 10:00, so we'll just have to see what happens then.

Oh my...21 days. We're both emotionally ready and the house is very nearly ready, but I still have a strong feeling that we have no idea what we're getting ourselves into.

(Mostly) Wordless Wednesday

2010-04-14T10:13:00.004-04:00

Welcome to a mostly wordless Wednesday. For me, that means I'll limit myself to a paragraph.

It's incredible how a simple act can drive a point home. Laundry has been primarily my responsibility for some time, and doing the first load of the boys' clothes gave me great pause. As I loaded that first washerfull, I said to myself "This is the first load of laundry I'm doing for my boys. I'll do a thousand more over the years, but this one is the first." It seemed poignant at the time. Seeing some of the (flippin' adorable) clothes hanging in the closet drove the point home further and I had to snap a photo. How strange and tiny they seem hanging there. My pulse quickens when I look at them, a mixture of excitement and nervousness threatening to boil over in a frothy mess of panic and unmitigated joy. Soon now...very, very soon.

(I lied--NEXT post will be about what the doctor said)

PRESENTS! I love me some presents!

2010-04-13T01:00:00.000-04:00

Who doesn't love gifts, right? We're very thankful for all of them, and they have been numerous. The generosity of our family and friends has been overwhelming. While I'd love to spend the time spotlighting each and every gift we've received, that wouldn't make for a very interesting post. Instead, we'll make sure to honor each gift-giver with thank you notes and use this space to hit a few fun highlights.

First up is a beautiful wall hanging my mother sent along. Every stitch is done by hand and the love and care is quite evident. I'm glad that she used green; that seems to be a dominant color in the nursery right now.

My mother also sent these wonderful memory/baby books. I absolutely adore them and know that the boys will treasure them years from now. Speaking of which, I really ought to put some stuff from the shower in them soon.

Amanda's cousin Mackenzie is an awesome human being with whom we never get to spend sufficient time. She's just as geeky as we are and her handmade blankets illustrate this in fabulous fashion.

The first blanket is a Fibonacci Sequence (I rotated it so that folks could see the detail, but the proper form is seen in the first photo), while the second blanket is a dream game of Tetris. I rarely get the straight pieces when I need them!

She also gave us this super cute "Young Mad Scientist's First Alphabet Blocks" set. Did I mention that she's a working scientist? ;-)

So, as I said before, there were many awesome gifts...a fact illustrated below.

Our car was stuffed to the gills as we drove from Toledo to Athens, OH. People stared at us with bewildered expressions as we filled the car with more and more things. Having moved (and completed long road trips) as many times as we have, Amanda and I have become absolute expert packers. I wager this will become a vital tool in the coming years.

Again, thanks to everyone for their generosity. These boys are far better equipped than we would have been able to make them on our own!

Next post: The Doctor Says...

Ain't No Party Like a Baby Shower Party

2010-04-07T21:00:00.001-04:00

This post will be a little light on the words. Here are a few scenes from the recent baby shower, this time focusing on the attendees.

First up is Olivia & Isabelle, daughters of Tami. Amanda has been friends with Tami since they were in their early teens. She has had two beautiful children so far and, since they're so darn cute, I wanted to lead off with them. The last photo above is of Audrey, our niece, holding Miss Isabelle. Aud carried her around for at least two of the three hours of the shower. It was kind of adorable.

Amanda's mother, Elva, did a wonderful job coordinating all of the food and beverages for the event. She (along with the rest of the family and close friends) helped us put on quite a show and we're very grateful to them. The sash is a bit of a lie, obviously, as she's already a grandmother twice over.

Next up, a few random shots of the attendees. I won't name names (I'd probably fail at it, to be honest), but they're all wonderful people and we're happy that they were able to share in this celebration.

I'd like to single out Nick (no doubt texting someone) & Shawn (the curly headed one engaged in conversation) in the above photo. They always help out at any event they attend and this was no exception. They're pretty great people. Thanks, you two!

I'll end this post with the cake:

Super cute, right? You'll note that they reproduced the monkeys from the invitation. Sadly, about half of those who came to the shower never got to see it because we were all so involved with the festivities that we almost forgot about it entirely! Oops!!! It was quite tasty, though, and people can see it here, at least.

Enough for today. Tomorrow, a tour of some gifts!

"I don't understand how we're going to shower the babies"

2010-04-05T10:07:00.009-04:00

The title of this post is a quote from our five year old niece while we were setting up for our baby shower on Saturday. It was a wonderful success and our family and friends are due many thanks for all their efforts.

I've had a bit of a problem keeping up on posts lately, so I'm going to squeeze a couple out of this event. We'll start with the decorations. Amanda and I are pretty proud of how the decor turned out; we purchased bits and pieces over time and hoped it would all work together in the end. Happily, it did. Here are a few shots to give a sense of what it looked like.

Here's the poker table. While it looked really nice, not enough folks showed up who wanted to play. Most of our male friends are the type to join in with the regular games. With a different group, this would have worked well. Oh well--the couple guys who sat at the table seemed to have a good time.

The tables themselves turned out quite nice. The pre-assembled banana bread mix which we put together at home (the living room was covered in flour that night) seemed to be a really big hit with folks asking if they could take any extras. We still have 15 or so bags left over, not to mention way too much candy.

I had to keep drawing attention to the table activities (writing advice on the bottoms of diapers and decorating bibs), but folks finally got involved with those activities towards the end of the day.

We also put together a kid's craft table. This was a big hit for much of the event but was abandoned when one kid spilled his or her juice all over the table. Still, keeping a bunch of little ones content for an hour or so while the parents socialized felt like a good accomplishment.

Finally, here are a couple shots of the hall before all the attendees arrived. Pretty cute, no?

* * * * * * * * * *

I'll slap up a few more shots from the shower tomorrow and hopefully include a proper update as well. I've been a little negligent lately!

Seven Pounds of Funk (& of baby!)

2010-03-26T01:24:00.011-04:00

Let me open by welcoming any Fatherhood Friday folks from DadBlogs & Question of the Week folks from Multiples & More.

Glad to see you and I hope you'll stick around! Now, on with the show.

We had another fantastic appointment yesterday, our 31 week check-up. The ultrasounds suggest that the boys are now weighing in at 3 lbs, 10 oz. each. Their growth is actually on track for singletons, but they expect that to start tapering off a bit soon. They both look quite healthy with strong heartbeats and tons of movement. Timmy is still head down, but Raiden seems determined to remain in a breech position.

We have a special affection for one of the doctors. She is about the same size as Amanda (5 feet even) and is extremely nice, but she was quite concerned with Amanda's "tiny torso" when we first saw her back around week 20. She has expressed pleasant wonderment and shock as Amanda's abdomen continues its outward trek, compensating for her smaller torso by demonstrating a fantastic ability to defy gravity. I'll post a new picture in the next couple days to let folks see this for themselves.

In any case, it seems that Amanda's body is handling this twin pregnancy perfectly. The single issue we'll likely face is Raiden's position. As such, we have to make some difficult decisions concerning birth. The ideal scenario, obviously, is for Raiden to turn and for Amanda to deliver both of these guys vaginally. Given that we have no idea if Raiden is going to turn, we're left with a few options:

1) Do a scheduled cesarean section, whether labor begins or not, after 37 weeks (probably May 7th, my mother's birthday).

2) Vaginal birth with Timmy, hoping that Raiden turns or can be coaxed to turn. If Raiden does not turn, perform a cesarean section.

3) Vaginal birth with Timmy and a planned breech extraction (they have someone well versed in breech extraction at our hospital).

Note that the doctors are advising the first option, at least presently. Also note that we will listen to the physicians the moment they say something is very strongly advised, but at present they just seem to be suggesting certain routes.

I worry about Amanda's recovery time from a c-section and Amanda is concerned with statistics that show lower chances of successful extended breast feeding with babies delivered by c-section and we both wonder about the medical profession and its tendency to push for c-sections out of convenience more than medical necessity. At the same time, the idea of a breech extraction scares the heck out of Amanda because of the many horror stories out there. I should note that, while discussing this issue, Amanda reminded me of one of the many reasons I love her by equating a scheduled c-section to cheating in video games. I said something like "Yeah, and it's not even like checking GameFAQs", to which she responded "No, it's totally an up-up-down-down-left-right-left-right-b-a-start kind of a thing." If you're not a video game junkie from the original NES days, you'll probably not get that joke, but here's a link to the reference. Translation: we're both giant nerds and our children are doomed.

In trying to make this decision, we're starting a "pros and cons" list for all options, but we're hoping to get some input from anyone who has birthed multiples or singletons via breech extraction. What was your experience? Would you advise others go the same route or a different one? Any input would be greatly appreciated!

And now because every post needs at least one picture, here's one of Thomas ~~being subjected to torture~~ helping me unwrap my present from the previous post:

He's pretty cute. Amusingly enough, up until about a year ago almost all of his photos were with him barking as he seemed to hate the camera. That phase seems to have passed. Yeah, I think we need one more.

Ok, now I have a proper post.

Again, any input on the birth plan issue would be really helpful. Thanks in advance!

Hardly Workin'

2010-03-25T12:11:00.003-04:00

Another cute gift came in today, this one from my mother and step-father. My birthday is on April 3rd, the same day as out baby shower. As is to be expected (and as is greatly necessary), most birthday gifts are likely to have a theme of "soon-to-arrive twins." The gift from these two was certainly no exception.

First, a little background: as you may know from my other posts, I'm a graduate student in philosophy and, as you may guess, the market for folks with MAs in philosophy is rather minimal. I had originally planned to go on to obtain my PhD, but the field is ridiculously competitive--both to get into a PhD program as well as to obtain a full time, permanent position afterwards--and both my passion and my confidence in my abilities are waning. Amanda's job is willing to give her a significant degree of mobility by allowing her to work from home just as she has been doing for the past year and a half. Couple all of this with my own desire to have a trade and be able to contribute more financially and we arrive at a situation wherein we are free to do just about anything. The "anything" we've chosen to do is to move to St. George, Utah, where my brother has a flourishing contracting business. Every time we've visited them, I've gone to work with my brother. We laugh and play while also busting butt and the visits are always such special, wonderful times. Every time we leave, I get pretty teary-eyed and miss him and his wonderful wife and kids. Over the years, he has half-jokingly asked if I wanted to come out and work with him. I think he's still in shock since I asked him if he was really serious about the offer. The point of this long-winded story is to give a little background as to why I'm leaving academia for contracting and to explain this adorable birthday gift from my parents:

Take a closer look.

Pretty darn cute, no? It's a tool belt with a few key work elements and a handful of baby supplies. I can't imagine wearing it while diapering a child, however. I foresee being the one who conducts the bleary-eyed 2:00 am changings and, from what I understand, caulk makes very poor diaper rash paste.

My step-father wrote a pretty adorable poem to accompany the gift:
Speaking of gifts, we had perhaps the cutest card to ever be mailed arrive not too long ago, without warning. We get to see our niece, Grace, only once every few months. She adores Amanda but has seemed a bit hesitant about this whole baby thing. I'm not sure if this card was to her or to the boys, but in either case it had to be shared:

The inside card was just a piece of white paper with the word "baby" emblazoned on it in bold, red letters. Absolutely adorable, needless to say.

We were in a news lull for a bit and I was quite busy, hence my infrequent updates. I expect to return to regular posts again, however, as appointments are growing more frequent and more changes are taking place. Look out for a Fatherhood Friday post tomorrow in which I'm going to give a general update and pose a very serious question about c-sections, twins and breech babies.

It's Always the Season for Nightmares

2010-03-16T20:21:00.007-04:00

I'm frantically attempting to close out this quarter as mentioned in the previous post, but I simply had to share a great present we received yesterday. My brother, sister-in-law and my nephew all headed off to Disneyland recently and they brought home presents for all four of us. Like any good former goth kid, I absolutely adore the movie Nightmare Before Christmas and that was the theme of my birthday package to be shared with all.

For me, a set of Jack Skellington mouse ears. For Amanda, a fantastic Nightmare-themed bag that I see as the perfect diaper bag companion to the two awesome, matching onesie/bottom sets for the boys. If you haven't gone nuts over those onsies yet, it must be because you haven't taken a close enough look at them:

They're going to wear these things until they fall apart. So flippin' cute!

We've also received gifts from other family members (thanks, Dad & Sherlene & others!), all of which have been most welcome. I'm glad the shower is coming up soon, though; we're both beginning to feel the stress of the boys' impending arrival and we want to make sure we have all the things we need (and a good number of things we just plain want) prior to their grand entrance.

Why I've Not Been Around

2010-03-15T22:21:00.006-04:00

There's a monster lurking around these parts. Its scientific name is Finalsweeksus Gradschoolicus. Its primary diet is take-out food and its preferred habitat is within the chaos and disorganization its mere presence brings with it. It is mostly a nocturnal animal and, as you can see in the photo below, it enjoys nesting on my desk:

From what I understand, this beast only has one more nesting cycle in our home, and even that will be in abbreviated form. While I will miss its presence to some degree, I will also happily bid it farewell in the hopes that it takes up residence in some other grad student's home afterwards. As for me, folks, I'll be back next week!

No News is Good News

2010-03-08T22:02:00.006-05:00

I've no real updates to offer today, but I feel slightly odd not slapping together some type of post. Let me fill the void by offering an observation: trying to finish up grad school when you have something as exciting as a set of twins on the way is a nearly impossible task. To call us both distracted would be a severe understatement. I realize the level of distraction will only grow exponentially once they arrive, but it's hard to imagine being even less capable of focusing than I am presently!

It was finally sunny today, so we went outside and took a couple photos of my pretty wife. I think a couple of them are worth sharing, but mostly this reminds me that I used to spend quite a bit of time with photography (albeit physical film, not digital) and I'd like to do so again...but I really need a crash course in Photoshop.

Daddy Also Gets (a little bit) Pregnant

2010-03-05T08:30:00.000-05:00

Welcome to Fatherhood Friday! Forgive me folks, but this will be a little light on the funny and a little heavy on the science. Having recently experienced a few phenomena that gave me reason to consider it, I decided to do a little research on the physiological changes male partners experience during pregnancy. I figured there would be a fair amount of research available and I was able to find some interesting data, albeit less than I thought. Join me as we take a whirlwind tour of the research that I've come across that all seems to supports the thesis that, yes, Daddy also gets a little bit pregnant.

Let's first turn to a short historical account of male pregnancy sympathy, then discuss the specific physiological mechanisms for this condition. We'll follow that by turning to manifestations of this condition (including my own purely anecdotal account) and end with some speculation as to why this occurs and consider some potentially fascinating implications.

When people discuss males experiencing some symptoms of pregnancy, they tend to refer to sympathetic pregnancy, otherwise known as Couvade syndrome. "Couvade" sometimes refers to rituals certain societies conduct to have men to either act out or actually experience pregnancy-like symptoms (such as those discussed here), but I have in mind the actual physical manifestation of pregnancy-like symptoms some men report. This is typically the domain of bad 80s sitcoms, not reasoned inquires into biology. In the past, sympathetic pregnancy was only considered in the extreme (if it was considered at all) and was seen as some type of deficiency, an abnormal psychological event typically described in Freudian terms that had outward physical manifestations; it was ultimately seen as a purely psychosomatic event. New research seems to suggest that the overwhelming majority of men experience some form of pregnancy sympathy with their pregnant partners and those with the more severe forms (including those who develop distended abdomens) simply suffer from a more drastic form of the physiological changes most of us male partners experience. In short, it seems perfectly normal at least up to a certain point.

Let's now consider some of the available research on this intriguing phenomena. This article (hereafter called the Storey article, after the primary author of the study) cites an incredible number of scientific studies that verify that men experience significant hormonal fluctuations during pregnancy and after their child(ren) are born, and this hormonal change is most significant in those men who report two or more "couvade symptoms." One of the articles cited by Storey defines couvade or sympathy pregnancy symptoms in a pretty similar manner to how one would describe some of the issues that come along with pregnancy: weight gain, toothache/bleeding gums, heartburn, hemorrhoids, increased appetite, decreased appetite, vomiting, weight loss, pain, varicose veins, spontaneous nosebleeds , etc. (the list goes on, but those are the most commonly experienced conditions).

Let me clearly state that Storey admits that the study really only applies to those societies in which males have very direct and constant involvement in the pregnancy as well as in child rearing. Let me also admit that this article is a bit on the dense and somewhat impenetrable side, so I'll try to distill some of the findings down to digestible chunks. Here are a few highlights:

* Males experience significant fluctuations in prolactin production around the third trimester. This hormone is primarily associated with the production of breast milk. Males always have a certain level of prolactin production, but in the third trimester and immediately after the birth of their child(ren), prolactin production in males increases up to 20%.

* Males experience a huge dip in testosterone production right around birth of their child(ren). Storey found that they experience a 33% decrease in the first three weeks following birth. This begins to return to normal levels after four to seven weeks.

* Even when not in a birth situation, it should be noted that increased prolactin production in males almost always corresponds to a decrease in testosterone production in males (and, interestingly enough, to a decrease in estrogen production in females). Whether the exact mechanism for the decrease in testosterone is the increase in prolactin or vice-versa, or if they are carried by some common third cause is still up for debate. In other words, we know THAT this happens, but we don't exactly know HOW it happens.

* Cortisol production also experiences significant changes, increasing for both males and females immediately prior to birth. Cortisol is often associated with stress (although, from what I've read in other research, this connection is somewhat dubious). Storey found that there was a strong correlation between men who had partners who reported a significant reaction to babies crying (specifically, that they felt the overwhelming urge to nurture when they heard the noise) and an elevated cortisol level. Among those males who had partners who did not report feeling a strong urge to nurture their crying children, the cortisol level barely peaked or didn't increase at all. The real kicker here: the females who reported great concern over their baby crying had higher cortisol levels, and their male partners had correspondingly elevated cortisol levels. Furthermore, male cortisol levels among all male participants increased an average of 50% over pre-pregnancy levels. This last finding may not be all that significant, however, because cortisol levels tend to increase in any stressful situation.

* The spectrum of male hormonal changes and the reports of sympathy pregnancy symptoms follow something of a lopsided "U" pattern. They start out pretty high in the first trimester, dip strongly in the second, then peak highest in the third and immediately after birth. My speculation: consider the parallel to women and their reports of discomfort...it seems pretty darn similar to me. Please note that I'm speculating here!

Another article discusses weight gain in male marmosets and tamarinds. This project seems to point to other causes for weight gain among partners of pregnant people than simply giving in to temptation. Note that I don't think that's what is going on in my case. I've put on over 10 lbs since Amanda found out she was pregnant, but I think that's due to my inability to resist chocolate! However, some men have reported maintaining identical diets to what they ate prior to their partners' pregnancy but still gaining significant weight.

A couple other studies, such as this one, have looked at male parent brain structures. Among first time marmoset fathers, researchers observed a substantial increase in dendrite connections in the prefrontal cortex upon birth of their offspring. What does this mean? Well, the prefrontal cortex is the part of the brain that affects planning, proper social relations, decision making, etc. so more connections suggests greater ability in these areas. While I did find an article that contends that this extends to human fathers (the article I cited merely postulates that this is the case), I can't find what I did with the blasted thing. As such, we're left to speculate as to whether or not this situation can be extended to us hairless primates.

A study by Sandra J. Berg (and others) offers some additional data of interest. This study was essentially a follow-up of the Storey study and it largely confirmed the findings of the earlier study while also going a step or two beyond. The Berg study found that:

"* The testosterone concentration was significantly lower in the overall sample of 23 dads than in the 14 control subjects [non-fathers].

* Cortisol concentration was significantly lower in dads than in the control group [please see note below].

* Dads had a higher proportion of samples with detectable estradiol [estrogen] concentrations."

Please note that the second point in the quote above does not contradict Storey's findings. Storey was discussing men who were partners of pregnant women. Cortisol actually builds in women when they're pregnant and is heavily involved in the onset of labor (it's at its highest at that point), thus the increase during pregnancy in the male partner seems to parallel the increase in the pregnant female partner. Berg's study considers people who are new fathers, not those experiencing childbirth. Let it be known that I find the cortisol issue the most questionable of all the issues discussed herein, but that may be because I'm not entirely clear on the nature of cortisol and its role in various biological processes. Any biologists in the house?

As discussed before, in the past men were viewed as somehow psychologically damaged or at least misguided if they expressed pregnancy sympathy. Now we've come to see that there are some underlying physiological changes that might be the causal agent of these outward physical expressions. That does not mean that all pregnancy sympathy-like symptoms ARE actual outward expressions of internal hormonal changes. Rather, I just want folks to be aware that men DO often experience hormonal fluctuations. Here's a pretty interesting article that provides some accounts of men experiencing these symptoms, and here is another.

As for myself, I have no idea if any of my "symptoms" are manifestations of hormonal changes, the result of some type of psychological condition, etc. What I do know, however, is that my teeth have been killing me for the past week or so and my gums have been bleeding like crazy, something that hasn't happened to me since I had a particularly nasty tooth extracted a few years ago. I've also gained over 10 pounds, but as I stated earlier this is due to an inability to resist the siren call of chocolate. I've also been...well, rather moody lately with no idea as to why. I try my best to suppress this, though.

Let me briefly divert the discussion to two semi-related topics. That male and female human beings are very similar is pretty well established. I mean, ask most partners if they understand their significant other and they're likely to express frustration and/or amusement, but on a basic biological level we're remarkably in line. An additional piece of this similarity can be found in, of all places, our nipples. We're pretty unusual in the mammal world in that we have very similar structures under the skin that's under our shirts. Male humans actually have perfectly intact mammary glands, while the males of many other species have either vestigial nipples and/or glands or no nipples at all. Only one male animal in the world spontaneously lactates, that being the Dayak Fruit Bat. However, men can and do lactate, typically as the result of some type of medical condition or treatment (and it happens in babies of both sexes often enough that it has a terrible sounding name: witch's milk). Remember how I mentioned that prolactin is directly related to lactation and how men produce a small amount at all times but a larger amount when their child(ren) are born? Here's something crazy to think about in relationship to that: there was a long-standing disagreement in the medical community as to whether or not the average male could lactate given the right conditions. One camp held that only males with already elevated prolactin levels (either naturally or with hormone supplements) could lactate while the other camp contended that any male could with proper stimulation. It turns out they were both right. The act of nipple stimulation in males actually increases prolactin production, and many males can makes themselves lactate given enough stimulation once the prolactin production reaches a sufficient level. Don't worry, folks. I love non-traditional gender roles, but this one might go a step beyond what I'm comfortable with doing myself. That said, I certainly wouldn't judge a man for engaging in the activity if he and his partner thought it was the best move for their offspring. There have been numerous reports of men doing this exact thing. Pretty intriguing, no?

Speaking of non-traditional gender roles, let's take the biggest possibility head-on: male pregnancy. While this sounds like the start of a joke (or the premise for an especially terrible movie), it's not. Researchers seem to agree that a male human could certainly become pregnant through IVF (in vitro fertilization) followed by implantation somewhere in the abdomen. A uterus is not strictly necessary for pregnancy, as illustrated in the unfortunate circumstances of ectopic pregnancies. But from a couple modern cases, given just the right set of conditions, we can see that a non-uterine pregnancy can be carried at least to the age of viability. But, as is well known about ectopic pregnancies, in almost every case they're life threatening to the mother and often don't lead to viable babies. Basically at this point it's quite possible that a man could carry a fetus (most advisably a male as carrying a female baby would require extensive hormone therapy), but the male host would most certainly die in the process of a modified cesarean extraction because the placenta would intermix with whatever organ(s) it came into contact with, causing massive and irreparable hemorrhaging. Advances in science suggest that either the growth of fetal tissue could be appropriately redirected to non-vital organs, or there's the more drastic (and questionable) measure of uterine transplants.

Ok, back to the original topic. The specific mechanism for all this interesting pregnant partner hormonal shuffling is still unknown. It has been speculated that pheromones somehow influence this process, a very possible but unconfirmed idea. It's also possible that proximity to pregnant females and/or newborn infants trigger hormonal changes similar to how mechanical stimulation of male nipples increases prolactin production but this, too, has been insufficiently studied. Another study by Berg & Wynne-Edwards suggests that there's no specific correlation between the fluctuations males experience and the fluctuations their female partners experience, though there is still strong evidence that hormonal changes DO occur in men on the birth of their child(ren). This actually pushes a "proximity theory" to the forefront, but only as an intuitive explanation.

Future research will hopefully involve folks like stay-at-home dads, gay couples with children, adoptive parents, fathers who actually dislike the idea of having children, and single fathers with full custody. Perhaps these folks could give us greater insight into the way we males--on a biological level--prepare ourselves to become fathers.

All of this begs a simple question: why? Why would males have their hormonal patterns change at birth? Being someone who is more or less a biological reductionist (meaning I think just about everything can be explained in simpler, more basic biological terms, such as our behaviors reducing down to a set of biochemical responses to stimuli), it seems evident that we males have our testosterone levels dip because we need to nurture at that point and testosterone tends to make us aggressive and competitive. Here's an example of a pretty carefully constructed reductionist view of couvade symptoms. If the story of testosterone reduction giving rise to nurturing behaviors in males holds, this would have an obvious evolutionary advantage. But reductionism is pretty far from a perfectly provable thesis (though I think it's defensible), so I have to shrug my shoulders at this point and say that we may not know why, exactly, and we may not even know exactly how, but we do know THAT this happens, and isn't it pretty damned fascinating?

I'd love to hear thoughts on this, especially from anyone who would contend that they did or did not experience (for men) or see (for the partners) any pregnancy sympathy symptoms. Hopefully you found this interesting; if not, sorry about that! I'll be back next and hopefully I'll bring the funny with me.

Great Deal Alert for Cloth Diaper Junkies!

2010-03-02T22:04:00.005-05:00

I don't mean to sound like a pitchman here, but I love bargain hunting (I blame my mother) and I love to share news of a great deal. I found this via Baby Cheapskate but wanted to spread the word in case folks haven't seen it yet. If you happen to be in the market for cloth diapers (covers, all-in-ones, etc.) head over to Elegant Mommy for 25% off of their entire store, but only through tomorrow. They carry Thirsties, bumGenius, FuzziBunz, etc. If you're looking to do a big stock up like we were, this can save you a ton of money. I just tossed down $191 for a set of 20 Thirsties Duo Wraps that would have cost us at least $245 anywhere else. The absolute best deal on the website would probably be the 20 pack of FuzziBunz: $242.12 after the discount, or only $12.11 each! Additionally, shipping on any order over $100 is free. Make sure to use the coupon code HAPPY when checking out (don't freak out--it's the last step) to get the discount.

I'll warn you that the site's interface is kinda crappy. It takes forever to select a variety of colors and quantities, but at these prices the hassle is still worth it.

...aaaannnndddd now I'm officially old. I was at least as excited about this as I've ever been about a killer deal on electronics. Guess it's time to embrace it!

From the Department of Weights & Measures

2010-03-02T09:54:00.008-05:00

We had our 28 week appointment today, albeit a few days early. The doctor was very pleased with the boys' growth. Raiden, always the slightly smaller one, is weighing in at 2 lbs 8 oz while Timothy tips the scales at 2 lbs 11 oz; both are above the 60th percentile with respect to growth. They're in the 99th percentile with respect to being awesome, but my system of measurement might be slightly skewed due to researcher bias. The amniotic fluid also looks great as does the cervix and, if all keeps going as well as it has so far, we can expect Amanda to not have preterm labor issues. The doctor was also very happy with Amanda's weight gain as she has only put on 23 lbs (she does need more iron though, but I can't get her to eat much protein!). We were told that, at this rate of growth, we could expect a hulking set of twins around 6 lbs each. Both boys are head down presently, but Raiden seems to like to do flips so we'll see if that remains the case going forward.

To call us fortunate would be an understatement; we have had an absolutely ideal pregnancy so far. I'm extremely thankful for that and hope our great fortune continues. The only even vaguely negative thing about this appointment was quite silly: neither boy was in an acceptable position for a good ultrasound picture. Still, we did get one shot that was kind of neat. The two round fields are their heads right next to one another.

* * * * * * * * * *

We finally got our baby shower invitations out the door on Saturday so now we're trying to plan the decorations, games, etc. While we have some pretty good ideas about how we'll decorate--one idea is to use the colors similar to these plates and build from there--we're having some difficulties with the games and activities. We both want the games to be fun for all in attendance, even if they're a bit cheesy, by blending traditional and non-traditional. Does anyone have any advice? Here are some ideas I've ~~stolen from more creative folks~~ come across on the internet. Please note that I'm not sold on any of these nor am I against any not listed (the only game I can say I'm actually against is the whole 'melted candy bar in the diaper' one); I'm merely putting these out there for consideration:

* Game 1: Poker tournament, as described here.

* Game 2: Diapers for Two, a timed game where contestants have to diaper two dolls, one after the other, without putting either doll down, all while pretending to talk on a cell phone.

* Game 3: Make a Baby! Not as twisted as it sounds. Contestants are given Play-Doh and told to make a baby from it, and the results will be judged.

* Game 4: Story Time. For anyone who wants to, write down an amusing/horrifying/notable child-rearing incident. Use no names or identifying characteristics. See if the person/couple can be matched to the story.

* Game 5: You Don't Say... Instead of the typical "don't say baby" I think it would be fun and relevant to have the word "twin" be verboten. Amanda borrowed the neat idea of using the monkeys from the Barrel of Monkeys game as the method for tracking the winner. If you say the forbidden word, anyone in earshot can take away your monkey(s) and the person with the most monkeys at the end of the day wins.

* Game 6: This is more of an open activity than it is a game. Set out a case of diapers and a permanent marker with a sign that says something like "Late night changes are quite the chore. Leave us some messages on the bums of these diapers that will bring a smile to our faces and provide some much-needed perspective in our many hours of need."

Any feedback? I'd especially love to hear from folks who have held or have attended successful coed baby showers.

Next post (Friday, I think): "Daddy Also Gets (a little bit) Pregnant"

Hell Hath No Fury Like a Woman Pregnant

2010-03-01T08:40:00.007-05:00

Before I'm accused of whining, let me state that I knew, going in to this, that hormonal fluctuations were going to be par for the course. I expected a higher degree of sensitivity, a peak in my wife's (sometimes substantial) temper, perhaps a few tears and a little bit of yelling. I was hoping it wouldn't be quite like the experience of her first couple Depo shots (imagine a few months worth of PMS rolled into two days), but I was prepared to take verbal lashings given that my body wasn't the one enduring all of these changes.

I got just that, at least in the first trimester. Her rationality, usually one of her many beautiful qualities, faded to a distant memory. In its place was a woman driven by pure, raw, unfiltered emotion. I was relatively certain that she hated me for those first couple months, and I'm quite certain that she loved the dog more than me at that point. The second trimester saw the extreme peaks level out substantially, though not without occasional dips and spikes. You can see some evidence of this in my post Top Ten List of Universal Maxims for Partners of Pregnant People (and on a related side note, I've taken to blurting out "Rule # 8!" when especially confused and confounded by her behavior).

Now that we're on the cusp of the third trimester, my wife has returned to me suddenly. What is incredibly odd, at least to me, is that she still initially reacts to stimuli with the same degree of emotion as she did before, but instead of continuing with a particularly unreasonable tirade or spontaneously bursting with tears, she suddenly...laughs at herself. All the time. It's as though she has been given the ability to scrutinize her behavior with perfect objectivity and most of the time she finds her little outbursts of irrationality absolutely hilarious. I do not know where this came from and I will not expect it to continue, but let me say that I'm treasuring every last second of it while it's here.

* * * * * * * * * *

Here's an updated shot of Amanda's growing belly from Friday. The incredible rate of growth probably made this picture outdated five minutes after it was taken.

My step-father told me I ought to be more alliterative and, instead of calling them "belly shots," refer to them as "pregnancy profiles."

* * * * * * * * * *

We have another appointment tomorrow morning, which is always exciting, so I should have some new ultrasound scans and news to share. But for now it's back to the reality of grad school, which has become far less interesting than thinking about and planning for the arrival of these little ones. Post-Kantian ethics ain't got nothin' on these two boys.

On reaching 79 days (at maximum)

2010-02-25T10:08:00.005-05:00

As a new blogger, I'm trying multiple outlets to meet other bloggers sharing similar experiences (much love to SITS!). One of the ways one can do so is through Fatherhood Fridays at Dad Blogs, one of the only blog networks out there that caters primarily to fathers (or soon to be fathers, in the present case). They're quite open to moms as well. As someone still in the process of becoming a dad, my only contribution to Fatherhood Friday comes in the form of describing what it's like to watch the time tick down to Twinsageddon as well as the process of beginning to bond with something that was previously little more than an idea.

79 days remaining in this pregnancy. It shouldn't seem significant, and it isn't in any ostensible way, but the number seems shockingly small. 79: a prime, the atomic number of gold, the year of Amanda's birth (well, with 19 as a prefix), the number of days Phileas Fogg actually takes to get around the world in Verne's Around the World in 80 Days. None of these things make this specific day especially remarkable, but it still seems poignant. Time is marching on, unrelentingly, and these guys are coming no matter what we do. We're completely ready emotionally, mind you, we just feel like we still have so much to do. We can file an extension for our taxes, I can get an extension on some papers for classes, etc. but these little monkey are making their collective appearance even if we don't feel entirely ready for them to be out here with the rest of us. But... It's also the case that May can't get here quickly enough.

* * * * * * * * * *

Amanda falls asleep before me most often. Almost like clockwork, the boys begin to play another round of their in utero games around midnight. The boys and I have a little "alone time" as I watch Food Network or try to drift off to sleep and this has helped the bonding process quite a bit. With my arm wrapped around her belly, I feel a certain closeness that was elusive previously. They were like vague ideas before, but now they demonstrate their existence constantly. Timothy's kicks have become solid thumps, like someone flicking you through a blanket, while Raiden's kicks are carefully considered, irregular inquiries. Amanda assures me that this is because I only get to feel them externally; internally, both wail away on her organs at various points throughout the day with alarming alacrity. They sometimes seem to roll; that's what really gets to her.

* * * * * * * * * *

School has become much harder to focus on. I already have a rather short attention span. With so many interesting and shiny objects around it's hard not to get distracted. The dialogue in my head goes something like this: "I have two days to get something done? Huh. I know, let's look at trucks...err, no, cribs! Maybe I should also read this philosophy paper that has nothing to do with my thesis or classwork. I definitely should work on my blog!"

Humph. On that note, I should probably try to climb that small mountain of laundry. Before I go, Popper would like to sing to you:

He's a big Beatles fan. His favorite is Ringo, but we still love him.

A Top Ten List of Universal Maxims for Partners of Pregnant People

2010-02-23T20:55:00.001-05:00

I'm testing out MS Word as my blog editor. We'll see how this goes.

EDIT: It went badly. Ok, Microsoft, you fail here. Any recommendations, oh great blogosphere?

I don't honestly know how universal the rules I'm going to present are, but I am certain that number one is about as close as one can get to a universal maxim and number eight is a close second. So, for better or for worse, the following is my top ten list of things to keep in mind if your partner is pregnant:

10. Understand that it hurts.

9. Understand that it is, unfortunately, entirely natural for it to hurt (within reason, of course) and very little can be done about it.

8. Understand that you don't understand. (Socrates was right: the beginning of wisdom is the admission of one's ignorance. In this case, the admission isn't so much the beginning of wisdom as it is an acceptance of reality that helps keep the peace. Go with it.)

7. Realize that much of what you do will be wrong but know that inaction would be far, far worse. Also know that your actions are appreciated even if they're wrong. If this confuses you, see #8.

6. Baths help once she's past week 20 or so. Encourage her to take them and talk to her during them.

5. It can be 50 degrees in the room and she'll still be hot. It can be 80 degrees in the room and she'll still be cold. Deal with it. You can take off or put on clothes; she can't take off or put on her belly nor can she turn her hormone faucet on or off.

4. Understand that you need to refer back to #8. Often.

3. You might think you have a pretty good idea of what your partner likes to eat, but that will change substantially. I couldn't use garlic or onions for a month or so. I had no idea how hard it is to cook without aromatic vegetables! First it was her sense of smell that went completely crazy. A couple days before we even knew that she was pregnant, she put on her usual amount of perfume (a very tiny amount) and kept apologizing to people all day for "dousing herself" in it. Next it was her sense of taste, which is still a bit off. She would eat only cheddar cheese, fruit (especially green apples) and Campbell's chicken soup if I didn't force a little diversity in her diet!

2. Know that you'll feel more love and affection for your partner than you ever thought possible. This, in part, explains why you're completely fine with running off to the store at odd hours for unusual requests, and with making dinners that make no sense to non-pregnant people, and with nodding your head like a good little partner when she's on some tirade that makes no sense to you, and with all the other fascinating (albeit sometimes frustrating) things that come with trying to be a good partner to a pregnant woman. Before you moan and groan too loudly about your responsibilities here, remember who has to actually experience the hormonal fluctuations, the sudden changes in body, the discomfort, etc. Let's call this the "You Ain't Pregnant" Maxim. Again, refer back to #8.

And finally, the number one universal maxim for partners of pregnant people:

1. No matter how sweetly she looks at you, no matter how rational you think your partner is, and no matter if she agrees that it's a good idea only on a temporary basis, never, ever let her talk you in to allowing a foster puppy in your home when your partner is pregnant, no matter how far along she is, and especially if the puppy was born right around the time you conceived your baby(ies).

In her defense, he really was adorable:

If you happen to be successful in placing said foster puppy in a home, it will be as though you just got rid of a baby, not a dog. She might not forgive you for a few days, and she might go so far as to insist you go get the dog back from the nice couple who adopted him. She will get over it eventually and she may even come to see the wisdom of the decision, but those few days will break your heart. Trust me on this one.

(By the way, the giant black dog in the second photo is Thomas, our 4 year old black lab/shepherd mix we've had since he was 3 months old. He's totally a 'momma's boy' and was firmly in the "get that puppy out of here, I'm dog enough for you!" camp)

So partners and those who were once pregnant or who are presently, do you have any that ought to be added to this list?

The Story So Far - Part II: Wait, What, Twins?

2010-02-18T19:09:00.015-05:00

Pregnancy was such a strange thing at this point. It still is, really, but less so now that I can feel the boys play their daily game of "Which one of Mommy's internal organs should we assault now?" But in this modern age, most folks have had at least a couple sexual partners in their lives, right? And for those of us heterosexuals who have, we've been working pretty diligently to make sure no pregnancy tests come up positive, actively preventing and hoping against hope that no babies come into our lives before we're ready for them. So even in the act of trying to conceive, the world was turned asunder. And with something growing (at the time more or less imperceptibly) in Amanda's belly? It was a massive change in perspective, but something was missing. We're both trained academics. Neither of us really believe all that easily without strong empirical evidence, so we both wanted some significant visual representation of the event but none were yet discernible. Amanda would sometimes say that she felt different from before, but typically she said that she “didn't feel pregnant.” She actually lost weight in those first few weeks, and this (and absolutely everything else, basically) made us worried. I've become a champion actor, though. She worries enough for both of us, so I always present the nonchalant "oh, it'll be fine my dear" front. I wager I'm just like tons of other first time dads that way.

So we waited, and waited, and the three weeks dragged on and on. Amanda had a habit of giving a countdown that morning, calling out “X days until we get the see the babies!” while getting ready in the morning. When we finally reached the night before our appointment, I encouraged Amanda to go to bed early with me and then I had serious difficulty falling asleep. I felt like a kid the night before Christmas.

That morning (10/22), we rushed off to the ob/gyn to face a mountain of paperwork and dozens of questions. We saw a nurse, asked a ton of questions, saw a doctor, asked more questions, sat through a short examination and then sat through a seemingly endless wait, all while filled with a breathless sense of excitement and nervousness. Finally it was our turn in the ultrasound room. I held Amanda’s hand in the dark room illuminated by two large monitors as the technician squeezed the (mercifully warm) jelly on her belly and I thought to myself, completely in jest, “wouldn’t it be funny if she said twins?” The technician placed the transducer on her stomach, causing an indeterminate black and white image to splash up on the screens.

...And then the technician said “So, you’re having twins” in this nonchalant manner, kind of like she was commenting on the entirely unsurprising weather conditions that day. “Here’s baby A…” she continued, to which Amanda responded “Baby A?!” The technician moved the probe a little and said “And here’s baby B…” to which Amanda responded “Baby B?!” It was taking a moment to sink in, apparently, so the technician offered the initial information again: “Well, yes. You’re having fraternal twins!” Amanda’s subsequent response was a not-so-surprising “Shut the f*** up!” My wife has a bit of a mouth on her, as do I, but I think I was too deep in shock to comment in any manner. My knees grew rubbery under me, threatening to give out under the strain of so massive a number as two. It's seemed so large, so much more massive than one could ever be. I squeezed Amanda's hand in a weak attempting at feigning giving her support because I was the one who needed it then. The technician just laughed and continued on, I squeezed Amanda’s hand some more while my mind grappled with the new information, and we finished a perfect check-up on our twins. After wiping away the ultrasound goo, we left the ultrasound room with our prize: empirical evidence that, yes, we are pregnant and yes, there really are two of them in there.

As an aside, I don't believe anything is really ineffable, but the moment we heard the heartbeats of both these little almost amorphous blobs of cells was pretty darn close. The failure to describe is not with language itself but rather with my mastery of it; my words are inadequate to capture the true spirit of what I was feeling in that small spans, but I'll try. It was an unusually quiet moment, contemplative and filled with a sudden reflection on mortality, love and on the wonder of nature. We had merely done what billions of people before us had done and trillions of other animals do every day, and yet in that minute blip in space and time it felt like an entirely unique experience. I didn't feel the burden of responsibility, at least not yet, nor did I feel pride, either, because ultimately this was just the result of sex. I also did not immediately feel love--to me, they were still just a mass of cells that I had great hopes for--but I did feel an instant, extraordinarily strong bond to their potential for being. The almost overwhelming initial sense of awe has since faded substantially, but it has been replaced and exceeded by the wonder that comes from watching something you helped create grow and by an ever-increasing bond as the little beings make their presences known in constantly changing, more noticeable ways. It's still pretty awe-inspiring...but I've gotten off topic. Back to the story at hand.

We walked outside in a daze, passing the ultrasound pictures back and forth while discussing just how badly we wished we still smoked. Once outside, we whipped out our cell phones and broke our pregnancy news silence. Although we told our parents and our oldest, closest friends immediately when we saw the results of those first home pregnancy tests, we were trying to wait to tell others at least until we reached the 12th week. Once we found out that we were having twins, however, all illusions of withholding this information broke down. After a few phone calls each and after Amanda sat through having roughly 300 vials of blood drawn (ok, more like 12), we hopped in the car to head home. It was only then that Amanda seemed to reflect on her earlier exclamation.

“Kevin, did I really tell the tech to shut the f*** up?” she inquired.

“Yes, yes you did.”

"Was she offended?”

“No, not at all. She seemed amused.”

“Oh, good.”

We both laughed until tears formed in the corners of our eyes. We laughed because of Amanda’s sudden outburst, because of the wonderful, terrifying, awe-inspiring news we had just received, for the strange and audacious notion that we—two people who barely know what they want to be when they grow up, let alone how to raise kids—have somehow produced twins, and for joy at being so privileged as to have this opportunity. We settled down after a bit, drove home, and tried to go about our day as though nothing had changed.

Just in case you were ever curious, reading and understanding Kant hours after finding out that you have twins coming is an extraordinarily difficult task.

We’ve since struggled with worry and fear, adjusted to the idea of twins and embraced it fully, and fell in love with them before we even knew their sex. The day we found out that we were having two boys was a little bittersweet as we were both hoping for one of each, but we quickly got over that initial hesitation. We even decided on names rather quickly, something we thought we'd never accomplish with males. Now it’s just another waiting game punctuated by occasional doctor visits and both of us attempting to get the many things done that need to be finished prior to their arrival. We’re anxious, nervous and ever so ready to meet our boys in person. How can eight months seem so short and yet simultaneously so long?

Next update: A Top 10 List of Near-Universal Maxims for Partners of Pregnant People.

The Story So Far – Part I: Getting There

2010-02-18T11:36:00.035-05:00

Amanda and I are one of those bizarrely fortunate couples. We partied way too much for our own good when we were younger and, prior to the pregnancy, both of us smoked, drank and lived on a diet of caffeine (I still mainline energy drinks, I must admit), too little sleep and an excess of stress without enough physical activity. Not only that, but before we started trying to conceive, we were both over the age of 30. So why in the heck did we have such an easy time of it? This is something I’ll never understand, though I am thankful for it and feel more than a twinge of guilt when I hear about super healthy couples who have such a tough time with it.

Still, even though we’ve had an easy time, every story has a beginning and I thought I would share ours.

The decision to have a baby had been set six years before. It was almost something of a pre-serious relationship criterion for her. I was on board with the general notion of parenthood back then, but the specific timeline seemed entirely unimportant to me, something to be considered in the indeterminate future. Both Amanda and I have adventurous appetites that we feed by being nomads (perhaps gypsies) and changing locales with the growing seasons. This is a big part of why we’ve lived in four states in six years. I knew that this would have to end at some point, at least for a little while, if we had children. This was always a consideration for the future…and then Amanda’s oldest friend, Tami, had her first child. The debate was all over for both of us after that. Seeing that little lady sent both of our biological clocks into ticking, whirring overdrive.

I'm pretty sure we can credit this little lady for pushing us from "sometime soon" to "NOW!" Thanks, Miss Olivia!

Amanda and I decided not so much to try to have a baby as we decided to stop actively preventing pregnancy. We calculated the ideal time to conceive and hoped for the best. Since Amanda had been on Depo-Provera for a couple years, we knew it would take some time for her cycle to get back to normal. We were told that this would take at least six months to a year and, in spite of this information, we worried when things didn’t happen immediately. In July, six months after the expiration date of her last shot, her cycle returned to normal perfectly on queue.

Around 9pm on September 27th, I was downstairs in the basement refinishing our dresser when I heard the toilet flush followed by a sudden shriek from upstairs that was either my name or an obscenity. I rolled my eyes a little as I turned off the sander, sure I was going to have to unclog something, and jogged upstairs. I found my wife at the top of the stairs, not in the bathroom. She had a look on her face that was…well, I’d like to tell you that it was joy and elation, but that would be a lie. She was delicately holding an object out in front of her, staring at it like someone might look at a three-headed dog that just happened to wander into one's house. I looked at the test, which read “Pregnant” on its digital readout, then back to her, then back to the test, then back to her before finally saying “well, that’s that!” and giving her a big hug.

That initial moment of shock began to subside slightly, but only enough to trigger Amanda’s desire to take another test. Off to the store I went, getting a multipack of tests and a non-alcoholic champagne substitute. That second test also came up positive, the champagne substitute was consumed, parents were called and we attempted to suppress our enthusiasm enough to keep proper perspective on the important note that many early-detected pregnancies are lost. Yeah, that worked about as well as you’d expect.

We scheduled an appointment at the ob/gyn the next day, but they couldn’t oblige us in our desire for instant satisfaction until October 22nd. Those were three VERY long weeks.

The first few days after we found out were basically terrible, even if exciting. You see, the moment we found out, we both quit smoking and Amanda went off of caffeine. I don’t think the nicotine withdrawal caused my attitude to change all that much, but let me unequivocally state that Amanda was subject to a fascinating hormone/nicotine withdrawal tango that focused its attention squarely on me. I’m not sure how, but I’m relatively certain that absolutely everything that could go wrong did go wrong and it was unquestionably my fault. Luckily this didn’t last much more than a week and though we both still face temptation (especially here in Ohio), we’ve stayed away from the cigarettes.

As we waited for the ob/gyn appointment, Amanda became overwhelmingly drowsy, had an insatiable desire for cookies one night (we spent $20 on them on that shopping trip), became super sensitive to my sometimes aromatic and spicy cooking, and seemed to become a little more sensitive than usual. Otherwise everything was basically business as usual, except for the almost palpable sense of impending change.

Next up, Part II: Wait, What, Twins?

Ping Pong, Pinball, etc.

2010-02-17T21:17:00.008-05:00

First, a new baby belly shot:

The boys are playing an ongoing game of pinball as their duplex get more crowded. They get especially active, most of the time, when Amanda takes a bath or tries to go to sleep. I came to bed around 2:00 am one night recently because I was up working on a paper. I found Amanda dead asleep and the boys in the middle of what was surely an intense game of bounce on the placenta. I love feeling them move. It makes me giggle and gives me a lump in my throat.

...Shush, it's my blog. I can be a little sappy sometimes.

She's a weeble who wobbles but thankfully doesn't fall down

2010-02-11T22:55:00.009-05:00

For ~~paranoid~~ first-time expectant parents like us, any scare, no matter how small, seems gigantic. Or at least it does for me. I think Amanda takes a lot of this in stride, especially now that she can feel the boys, but me...well, I don't have the privilege of reaching down to feel a reassuring (albeit not all that comfortable) kick or punch almost any time I'm worried. Also, I have no idea what it feels like to be pregnant, so when I'm told this or that thing hurts, I simply believe it and worry that it's indicative of some problem or another, either with her or with the twins. Please note that I realize all of this is par for the course and only increases once the little ones make their grand entrances.

You can thank the persistent, prolonged cold weather for this most recent test of my fear response. As you can imagine, when I got an instant message from my wife that said "I slipped on the ice today and now my stomach kinda hurts," I flipped out a little bit. "Call the birthing center, please," I typed, trying to come across as calm but insistent. In my head, however, I was thinking OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD. She went on to explain that she didn't fall but had simply started to fall and, in the process of catching herself (so she assumed), she had strained a muscle in her already overstretched belly. The birthing center asked her to come in to confirm this probable diagnosis. After being unable to confirm separate heartbeats using the Doppler, she was given an ultrasound, and this confirmed that everything was fine. The doc told her she would be sore in the morning (she was, but more from Raiden than from the slip), but otherwise she and the little ones were perfectly fine.

She sent me a text to signal the all clear and I found that I was able to breath again. The funny part was that I was teaching my class at the time and I stopped to read the text, something for which I would normally berate students. I told my students at the beginning of class that I might be a bit distracted as my wife was at the doctor's office and I was waiting to hear back from her (they know we're expecting). I started in on my lecture when one of the students perked up and asked, with a slight hint of fear in her voice "Um......is she ok?" I played it off like I had no fear at all, but I must have done a bad job of it because when I told them that the text said she was fine, I could detect a distinct, collective sigh of relief from the room.

We did get one unfortunate (though quite possibly temporary) piece of news: apparently Raiden (aka Mr. Right Side) has decided to flip himself back over to the breech position again. Both were feeling a bit camera shy as the ultrasound technician was unable to get good face shots of either one. What struck Amanda as especially funny about the whole ordeal was that the tech placed the transducer right below her ribs, right where it hurts so much, and a giant head appeared on screen. The little guy is head-butting her rib cage all day long. Way to go, little dude.

Later that night, while studying in bed, Amanda moaned and exclaimed "Oww! My rib hurts!" I touched her shoulder and responded "I know, hon, and I'm sorry...but what doesn't hurt?" I expected a playful slap or perhaps a dirty look, but instead there was a slight pause and then she responded in a low, pained (but laugh-filled voice) "My feeeeeet!" So at least there's that.

A Co-Ed Shower

2010-02-09T19:36:00.024-05:00

...No, not that kind! What kind of blog do you think this is? I'm talking about our co-ed baby shower to be held on April 3rd in Perrysburg, OH.

(Wait, isn't any baby shower with at least one male fetus technically co-ed?)

It's going to be held at the Schaller Memorial Building (the VFW/American Legion), which is a pretty ideal venue given the location, kitchen facilities, size, etc. It will be nicely spacious without being too huge. As a side-note, I hate it when one encounters a small event in a big hall. It feels so awkward and lonely, like the feeling one gets when wandering around a store after closing.

Elva, Amanda's mother, is doing an incredible amount of work for this event and we're very thankful. With family as spread out as we have, it's no small feat to bring together even a small contingent of them. Hopefully we'll see some faces we don't get to all that often.

Amanda and I will be handling invitations, decorations, and a bit of planning. We don't want the shower to be excessively traditional; lots of people I've talked to seem to dread showers a little, so we're going to sort through the myriad of games and try to find the ones that are actually fun for all participants. One thing we know for sure is that we're going to hold a "Diapers Wild Texas Hold 'Em Tournament" in one area of the hall, off to the side, to entertain those who wouldn't normally come to a baby shower. Buy-in will be one box of diapers, any size, and the top chip holders will receive prizes. Here's the flyer for the event; it will be included with the invitations:

The idea is not original to me, by any means, but after reading about it it seemed like a great way to get those folks involved who would normally eschew such an event. I'm still trying to come up with some worthy (but below $50) gifts for the top three chip holders. Any ideas?

As for the invitations, Amanda had the great idea of using pre-made 5x7 sheet stacks typically used for scrapbooking, then applying a printed vellum overlay. We found a perfect match at Hobby Lobby for half-off and, needing 100 of them (and not yet knowing the sexes at the time), we picked up one of each and have sorted through them to pick out the best ones.

After that, I set about trying to design the overlay. I couldn't sleep one night, so I brought my laptop to bed and worked away while Amanda slept. I knew I wanted some type of image along with the text; originally I had something a little more mature in mind. I knew I wanted to use this awesome letter block font I had found located here, but I couldn't figure out what else to do. My original stylish design was pretty dull, so I scrapped that idea in favor of monkeys. After all, I had already started called the twins (by then we knew they were boys) my little monkeys, so why not? I found this super cute, cartoony clip art of two monkeys in a tree:

(Elva came up with the idea of having the baker replicate this on the cake, a pretty nifty idea!) I cleaned the image up (I think it was a scan from a coloring book), then slipped it to the right of the wording and the title, "Monkey See, Monkey Do." The result is as follows:

At this point, Amanda woke up, looked over at my work and mumbled sweetly "Monkey see monkey do...how cute..." and then drifted back to sleep. When I asked her the next day about this, she had no recollection of the invitation. Happily she still liked it on seeing it when actually awake.

I printed these on vellum, but we had to come up with a way to attach them. Back to Hobby Lobby I went, this time to pick up pastel brads. I tried attaching the overlay a number of different ways, but one in each corner ended up being the best option. Here are a few examples of the results (the scans don't really do them justice; they're not nearly so off-white nor are they blurry):

I guess you could say that they're all "limited editions" with a maximum run of three each background. Which one will you get? I think that's my favorite part of this design; while they're not completely unique, they do still differ a bit from one to the next. I'll finish them up this weekend (punching those little holes for the brads takes forever!) and we'll get them out the door soon thereafter.

Ok, off to do some thesis work. The next update will probably be a bit shorter and news-oriented, but soon I'm going to post a review of the rather invaluable book "Juggling Twins: The Best Tips, Tricks, and Strategies from Pregnancy to the Toddler Years" by Meghan Regan-Loomis, which you can find here.

There it goes (& there they grow)

2010-02-08T14:09:00.001-05:00

Having allowed the news of twin boys sink in, the initial fear has been replaced by a still-present fear that is substantially subsumed by an overarching sense of excitement. I've accepted the simple fact that I will fail many, many times but I'm also keenly aware that, having tried to live my life to the fullest, I have a set of experiences on which I can draw and hopefully provide good guidance. In my first post, I also seemed to forget that another person, my wife, would be intimately involved in this. I wager she, too, can have a positive influence. So yes, we'll fail, but we'll try hard while doing so.

Now, on to some updates.

1) I'm going to try to expand this blog a bit. I'm hoping to update at least once a week as a simple way to keep family and friends apprised of our news, and I'm also hoping to find other parents (especially new dads) who share similar points of view.

2) We're at week 24 and some change. We just had an appointment on 2/8 and we found out that Timothy is 1 lbs, 9 oz and Raiden is 1 lbs, 8 oz. Note that Amanda insists on calling the guy on the right Raiden and the one on the left Timothy. She doesn't claim that she can discern their personalities in utero and she’s completely willing to reassign names once we meet the boys. That said, I have begun to think of the boys in these same terms. Both have moved into a "head down" position and we were told that they're not likely to turn again. Here are a few scans of the twins from 2/4:

3) Amanda is getting to the miserable stage. One of her more memorable recent quotes was something along the lines of “I know I’m privileged and I do feel honored that we get the chance to have children, but oh god Raiden needs to get the hell out of my ribs! This HURTS!” Nothing can be done for this pain, sadly; the only thing that sort of helps is a nice bath. We still have three months to go and I feel terrible about the degree of pain she’s going to have to suffer through. She knows it’ll be well worth it in the end, but the path to that end isn’t a fun one. Here’s Amanda’s belly as of 1/28:

4) We keep buying baby clothes. We need to stop so as to direct our funds somewhere a little more productive…but some of it’s so darn cute! Here’s a recent example:

That's enough for now. I'll include some baby shower invitation scans and some general plans for that event in the next update.

Hello (again), world.

2010-01-07T10:29:00.003-05:00

Greetings, oh great blogosphere. When we last met, I was convinced I was on my way to becoming a professional philosopher, sure I was going to change the world it some nearly palpable way through the art of teaching. That was X number of years ago. Incredible how things change with the passage of time. Now I'm in my second to last quarter as a Master's student in philosophy and have no intention of continuing on with it. Why? Well, that has much to do with the new title of this blog: I'm soon to become a father to twin boys.

I am wholly, completely and entirely excited. I am also wholly, completely and entirely petrified.

I can do nothing but try, however, and hopefully find a few other new dads who have experienced similar issues. Here's to hoping they love me in spite of myself. In this sense, in spite of my desires and contrary to the title of this blog, I imagine I'm an entirely conventional father.

(Entry edited to not sound so whiny. Thanks for the feedback, all.)